10 signs he is not a cheater
It’s normal to worry that maybe, just maybe, your partner could be unfaithful. Even if it’s totally unwarranted and your relationship is great, that kind of self-doubt can creep in on occasion. And people can cheat for any number of reasons. He could meet all these qualifications and still cheat. But overall, if he checks all these boxes, it’s not super likely that you have anything to worry about.
1. He’s not selfish. In many situations, cheating is selfish. If he’s the kind of guy that drops everything and cancels plans when you need him most, he’s probably not the kind of guy that would hurt you by cheating. “Selflessness” is still different than just being “nice.” He can be friendly and kind, and still be a cheater. On the flip side, he can act like a sarcastic asshole and still be totally loyal.
2. He’s pretty trustworthy. If he tends not to lie or sneak off or go dark for days at a time, he’s probably not the kind of guy who could handle keeping an affair a secret. Yeah, sure, he could also just be the greatest liar of all time but the likelihood of that is slim.
3. He doesn’t keep secrets. If you’ve caught him hiding a massive secret or two (like he-lost-his-job-and-didn’t-tell-you-for-months huge), it’s certainly feasible that he’s capable of hiding a side chick.
4. He’s way too busy. Between work and grad school and the band he’s in, he barely has enough time to date you, let alone juggle someone else. Plus, he spends all his remaining free time with you, anyway. Unless he never sleeps or has that sweet-ass time-turning necklace from Harry Potter, there’s no conceivable way he could cheat.
5. You know pretty much everything going on in his life. If you’re the jealous type and get worried when he mentions a coworker he got lunch with, there’s likely nothing to worry about there. He wouldn’t bother mentioning someone he had on the side or was thinking about pursuing. What good would that do? The more he keeps you up to date in his personal life, the better. At the same time, don’t sweat it if you don’t know the names of every single one of his coworkers and/or classmates.
6. He’s never cheated before. If you know he’s got a good track record, that’s as good an endorsement as any. “Once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t inherently true, but like you learned in first grade, patterns have a way of repeating themselves.
7. You’re not a cheater. If you’re a partner who’s been caught cheating, there’s a chance that he could “retaliate” out of resentment. Everyone knows that one toxic couple that’s always doing horrible things to each other and yet, despite all odds, stay together. If you’re not them, you’re in a pretty great spot.
8. You don’t box him out. We’ve all seen at least one movie where someone cheats and cites “wanting to feel wanted”/”you weren’t there for me”/”we’ve been drifting apart”/”you were in a coma” etc., etc. Justified or not, if he’s feeling like his needs aren’t being met, it could make him vulnerable and more likely to stray. But if you’re always making each other priorities in your lives, that’s not an issue.
9. You’ve never seen any warning signs. While it’s possible to get blindsided by a cheating partner, plenty of people feel like it was so obvious in hindsight. If he’s not acting sketchy and suspicious, or constantly checking but hiding his phone, there’s nothing to really be suspicious of.
10. You’ve got a healthy sex life. There are plenty of reasons your sex life can slow down for a bit, but if you’re doing it on the regular, he only has so much libido to go around. He can’t have a marathon sex session with you and then run off to do it again with someone else. Can he?! I’m going to choose to believe he can’t. For … unrelated reasons.